**Writer’s Note** For anyone that has read the series so far, I have decided to change the format into a traditional Diary written from Madison’s perspective. I feel this will allow the story to “flow” more easily and be a lot more fun to read and to write. Each Chapter will be an “Entry” in Madison’s Diary and as it is the 100 Baby Challenge, in keeping with the rules once her youngest Daughter comes of age to take over bringing in the next generation, the Diary will “pass on” to her.
This Entry will be a round-up of the story so far, from Entry two it will pick up with both Madison and her two toddlers. Hope You all enjoy!
It feels bizarre to be writing those words. Its like I’m a teenager again. Ironically the last time I wrote I was a teenager. I was only eighteen. Its hard to believe that was just over four years ago. A lot has changed since then Diary. I’m now a Mum! The title took some getting used to I will admit. The first time I held my newborn Cassie in my arms, my first thought was Can I do this? Really? This is still one of my favourite pictures of us.
But dear Diary, I didn’t have much of a choice. Cassie’s Father Diego wasn’t interested. He had made that perfectly clear throughout my pregnancy. When I text him, and told him I was in labour, He came to the hospital – to tell me he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. What a charmer eh? I said it then and I will say it now: It is his loss.
But somehow, I muddled through. I had too. Diego wasn’t going to step in and be the knight in shining armour. Cassie and I were on our own. We muddled through. Somehow. It was all a bit of a blur if I’m honest. An endless cycle of feeding-changing-singing-to sleep with a baby that didn’t care one iota how tired she was making her Mummy. When she wanted something, she wanted it NOW. ( A chip off the old block)
Just after Cassie turned one, I did meet someone else. Mitchell and I were never in a relationship per se. It was more a one-off thing we both knew would never happen again. Like Diego, Mitchell wasn’t really interested either. He knew I was pregnant – I did do the decent thing (As my Mother would say) but I guess he isn’t cut out for father-hood either. Thanks to Mitchell I do have an adorable boy Mckenzie.
But it was incredibly hard in the early days having a toddler and a new-born.
With both Daddies playing the “out of sight, out of mind” game I had no choice but to carry on for the sake of Cassie and Mckenzie. I couldn’t get a job because I had no one to watch the kids, so I did what I could to get by. I sold our fruit from the yard at the market, I painted and sometimes sold those to the local gallery. I even had a book published. But it’s not easy trying to make money with two kids under five. Money is a constant worry. I don’t get any help from their Dads. I just did what I could to get by. I still do. But being a single parent is hard. There were so many days when I would literally pass out from exhaustion. (We still have many a day where I feel that way!) But when I see their faces light up I know its worth it.
Cassie is now four and Mckenzie is two. Cassie loves to play, give hugs and loves the sound of her own voice. She is very clingy though which I’m going to have to work on with her. Mckenzie is my sweet, angelic laid back boy who idolizes his big sister. They are both growing up so quickly, changing so fast. Because of that I’ve decided (time permitting) to keep a diary of our lives. Even if it’s just funny things they have done or milestones. It’s just going to be something they can look back on when they are grown up. A memento if you will. So that one day they will know I tried my best with them.
I have to go, I can hear little feet coming! I will write again soon.